We are all subject to the laws of physics no matter how we look, what we say, whom we are with, or even what we believe. For example, if you drive a car seventy miles-per-hour around a fifteen-mile-per hour curve, you are going to get hurt－even if you feel lucky that day. Why? Because the law of physics still apply to you－they apply to everyone.
Just as there are laws of physics that affect everyone regardless of who they are or what they believe, there are also laws of marriage physics. Sadly, people keep breaking all the laws and then are stunned by the fact that their marriage stinks. "Why is my marriage so bad?" they ponder. Then the unwise voice of modern convention screams in their minds, Wake up and be honest with your feelings. If things are bad, you married the wrong person. It not supposed to be this hard. You‘ve made a mistake. God doesn‘t want you to feel unloved. Be courageous and bail.
And bail they do－by the millions.
But the problem isn‘t that people marry the wrong person; it‘s that people act in ways that are wrong－ways that destroy. if your marriage stinks, someone is breaking the rules of marriage physics. Unfortunately, most are unaware that rules even exist, much less know what they are.
Even though I don‘t think there is such a thing as a soul mate, I‘m not saying the dating process shouldn‘t involve a hunt to find a special someone－someone compatible with you, someone with whom you have made a connection. If you are single, I think you should expect that, even strive to find a person with whom you can share feelings of deep affinity, friendship, sexual attraction, and compatibility. That being said, I think finding someone to journey with in marriage is mostly about two people committing to each other and then employing principles such as love, acceptance, patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and unselfishness, to enrich that committed relationship. Marriage is more about work than about divine luck , more about finding someone to love than about finding someone to meet your own laundry list of personal needs.
不管我们的长相如何、说什么、跟谁在一起，或者信仰什么，每个人都要受到物理定律的约束。比如，如果你在限速15迈的弯道开到70迈，很可能会受伤的－就算那是你的幸运日也无济于事。为什么？因为物理定律在幸运日依然适用于你－适用于所有人。
正如存在这样的物理定律一样，婚姻也有自己的定律。遗憾的是，人们一边不停地打破婚姻定律，一边在看到自己的婚姻触礁的时候震惊失色，“为什么我的婚姻这么糟糕？”他们百思不得其解，现代社会不智的解释在他们的脑子里喋喋不休，“醒醒吧，要诚实承认自己的感受，如果这么糟糕，一定是你跟错误的人结婚了，婚姻不该这么难，你一定是犯了个错误，上帝不希望你觉得没人爱，所以，要有勇气离开。
然后他们就离了－数不胜数的人。
问题并不是人们结错了婚，而是人们做事的方式是错的－他们按照破坏婚姻的方式行事。如果你的婚姻不堪忍受，一定是双方有人在违背婚姻定律，不幸的是，大多数人根本不知道有这种定律存在，更别说知道这些定律是什么了。
虽然我说过并不相信存在着真命天子／女，我并不是说恋爱不包括寻找对象－一个特别的，跟你相配的人，一个可以产生情感联结的人。如果你单身，我认为你应该期待找到这样的人，并且应该努力去寻找这样的人，可以彼此分享心底的感受、建立友谊、有性的吸引等。有人说，找到一个牵手一生的人最重要的是彼此承诺，并彼此践行以下原则：相爱、接纳、耐心、原谅、牺牲、无私，这些都可以让一段承诺的关系丰盛。婚姻更多需要的是努力而不是运气，是找到一个人来爱他／她，而不是找到一个人来满足自己的需要。