The following events occurred between ☹ and ☺.



“How could she do something like this to me?” said a voice in my head. All the time. Every day.

Back in 2011, when everything had gradients, iOS icons made sense, and people used deodorants, I was stuck in middle of a pretty bad depression due to my divorce.

Thankfully, I think I was smart enough (and had great people around me) so I found ways to stay afloat.

One day I walk into the office, and my day begins at my computer screen. It was all great, until I saw this message:

Your password has expired.
Click ‘Change password’ to change your password.

No shit. I thought clicking ‘Change password’ was gonna do something else.

I read this dumb message in my mind with angry grandpa voice: The damn password has expired.

At my workplace, the Microsoft Exchange server is configured to ask thousands of employees around the planet to change their passwords. Every 30 days.

Here is the horse-shit: The server forces us to use at least one UPPERCASE character, at least one lowercase alphabetic character, at least one symbol and at least one number. Oh, and the whole damn thing can’t be less than 8 characters. And I can’t use any of the same passwords I’ve used in the last 3 months.

I was furious that morning. Tuesday, 9:40 a.m. -It was so hot that my torso was already sweaty even though I just got to work. I was late. I was still wearing my helmet. I think I forgot breakfast. Something tastes like cigarette in my mouth. I need to get shit done before my 10 a.m. meeting and all I have in front of me is a huge waste of my time.

So there it was… This input field with a pulsating cursor, waiting for me to type a password that I’ll have to re-enter for the next 30 days. Many times during the day.

Then, letting all the frustration go, I remembered a tip I heard from my former boss, Rasmus. Somehow he combined to-do lists with passwords, and I thought to use an augmented variation of that.

I’m gonna use a password to change my life.

It was obvious that I couldn’t focus on getting things done with my current lifestyle and mood. Of course, there were clear indicators of what I needed to do -or what I had to achieve- in order to regain control of my life, but we often don’t pay attention to these clues.

My password became the indicator. My password reminded me that I shouldn’t let myself be victim of my recent break up, and that I’m strong enough to do something about it.

My password became: “Forgive@h3r”

During my meeting I kept thinking on what I just did. Something drew a smirk on my face.

During the rest of week, I had to type this password several times a day. Each time my computer would lock. Each time my screensaver with her photo would appear. Each time I would come back from eating lunch alone.

In my mind, I went with the mantra that I didn’t type a password. In my mind, I was reminding myself to “Forgive her”.

That simple action changed the way I looked at my ex wife. That constant reminder that I should forgive her, led me to accept the way things happened at the end of my marriage, and embrace a new way of dealing with the depression that I was drowning into.

In the following days, my mood improved drastically. By the end of the 2nd week, I noticed that this password became less powerful, and it started to lose its effect. A quick refresh of this ‘mantra’ helped me. I thought to myself I forgive her as I typed it, every time. The healing effect of it came back almost immediately.

One month later, my dear exchange server asked me again to renew my password. I thought about the next thing I had to get done.

My password became Quit@smoking4ever

And guess what happened. I shit you not. I quit smoking overnight. I have a ton of witnesses who could not believe how I did it. I had tried books, e-cigarettes, patches, etc. Nothing worked, but this one trick did.

This password was a painful one to type during that month, but doing it helped me to yell at myself in my mind, as I typed that statement. It motivated me to follow my monthly goal.

One month later, my password became Save4trip@thailand

Guess where I went 3 months later. Thailand.

With savings.
Thank you, password.

Seeing how these reminders helped to materialize my goals kept me motivated and excited. I’ll admit this: It is difficult to come up with your next goal. Sometimes it’s hard to identify what we need to change, or where we need to walk towards to.

Make sure your goals are realistic, and avoid being too dreamy when you phrase them. It’s important to build a metric around your goal so you can measure its success along the way. For example, if you’re on a hunt to get a better job, don’t use things like BeTh3NumberOne! but instead go with KickASS@LinkedIn! and use the new connections, groups and number of resumes sent as a metric to validate your efforts to land a new job. Being the number one is great, but being able to measure where you are and where you’re going is important, specially when there’s a big gap between those two points.

So why does this trick work? In its simplest form, a password enables you to get somewhere, in your digital world. Say, to copy a file, to unlock a computer, to email somebody. This feeling of micro achievements, this thought of ‘my mantra helps me to get things done’ can build up a momentum that motivates you to stay focused on achieving your monthly goals. It’s a tiny habit that has the power to transform.

It worked with me. I’m sure it will work with you.

This is how I learned that I can truly change my life, if I play it right. I kept doing this repeatedly month after month, with great results.

Here is a simplified extract of what some of my passwords have been in the last 2 years, so you get an idea of how my life has changed, thanks to this method:

Forgive@her ← to my ex-wife, who started it all.
Quit@smoking4ever ← it worked.
Save4trip@thailand ← it worked.
Eat2times@day ← it never worked, still fat.
Sleep@before12 ← it worked.
Ask@her4date ← it worked. I fell in love again.
No@drinking2months ← it worked. It felt great!
MovE@togeth3r ← it worked.
Get@c4t! ← it worked. We have a beautiful cat.
Facetime2mom@sunday ← it worked. I talk with my mom every week.

And the one for last month:

Save4@ring ← Yep. Life is gonna change again, soon.

I still await very anxiously each month so I can change my password into a phrase that motivates me to focus on something that I need to get done.

This method has consistently worked for me for the last 2 years, and I have shared it with a few close friends and relatives. I didn’t think it was a breakthrough in tiny-habits but it did have a great impact in my life, so I thought to share it with you all.

Give it a try! Write these statements with the right mindset and attitude, and you’ll change your life. Let me know how it works for you!

Remember, for added security, try to be more complex with the words. Add symbols or numbers, make it longer, and scramble a bit the beginning or the ending of your password string. S4f3ty_f1rst!

Pass the tip to those who might need it.

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Updated on Jun 21, 2014: She said yes.

接下来的故事，发生于沮丧和幸福之间



“她怎么能对我做出这种事？”这个问题不停在我脑海里盘旋。一刻也不停，每天每刻。

在2011年，那时候渐变还很流行，iOS的图标还有点理智，大家都还用体香剂，而我正深陷在沮丧的情绪中。我离婚了。

幸运的是，我还是足够理智（还有一群了不起的朋友）。所以我找了些方法来维持下去。

有天我到办公室，开启电脑准备一天的工作。事情都很顺利，直到我看到这条消息：

你的密码已经到期，点击“更改密码”设置新的密码

卧槽。我当时以为“更改密码”是别的什么设置。

我看着这个愚蠢的消息，好像有个愤怒的老奶奶在我耳旁絮叨：这该死的密码到期了。

在我的公司，IT管理设置微软Exchange服务要求全球上千的同事更改密码。每30天一次。

狗屎的是：服务器强制要求至少一个大写字母，至少一个小写字母，至少一个特殊字符和至少一个数字。而且这堆麻烦的东西还必须超过8位。还有，过去三个月内的密码不能重复！

那天早上我真是气炸了。上午9点40分，礼拜二。相当热的一天，我到公司的时候已经满身是汗，而我还得去工作。我迟到了，我还带着机车头盔。我好像还没吃早饭。嘴里一股类似香烟的味道。我必须得在早上10点的会议前把这个混蛋问题给解决了，而我面临的是浪费的大把时间。

来看看吧...输入框带着跳动的光标，等着我输入一个要连续输入30天的密码，一天要输入无数遍的密码。

好吧。摆脱这些挫折的事，我想起从前领导Rasmus学到的一个方法。他成功的将待办清单和密码结合起来。而我要试试增强版。

我要用一个密码来改变自己的生活

显而易见，如果维持那时候的生活习惯和状态，我几乎没有办法完成任何事。当然，我清楚知道自己需要做什么，或者要达成什么来重新掌控自己的生活，但是我们通常会对它们视而不见。

我的密码可以作为一个暗示。我的密码能提醒我不要再让自己作为分手的受害者，而我足够坚强来做些什么。

我的密码改成了：“Forgive@h3r”

开会的时候我一直在回想自己刚刚做的事。好像有些什么东西给我的脸颊画上了一个微笑。

剩下的一周里，我每天都要重复输入这个密码。每次我的电脑锁屏，每次我的屏保（她的照片）出现，每次我孤零零吃过午饭回来。

我觉得给自己释放了一个咒语，我不是在输入密码，而是在不停提醒自己“Forgive her（原谅她）”。

这个简单的行动改变了我对前妻的态度。不停地重复提醒我去原谅她，让我能够接受婚姻结束的事实，并能够拥抱新的生活，坦然面对沮丧，不再沉浸其中。

接下来的日子，我的状态大大提升。第二周末，我发现密码的效率下降了，开始失去了效果。我重新释放了这个“咒语”。在我每次输入密码的时候，想着我原谅她。那种治愈的效果马上就再次生效。

一个月后，亲爱的Exchange服务器又问我改密码了。我想了想下一件应该做的事。

我的新密码是Quit@smoking4ever

猜猜看发生了什么？我了个去，我第二天就戒烟了。几乎没人相信我是这么做到的。我试过各种书、电子香烟、膏药等等，都没用，但是这个小戏法就起到了效果。

这个密码在那个月相当令人难受，但每次我输入这个声明，都是让我在脑海里对自己呐喊。这不断激励我完成每个月的目标。

有一个月过去，我的密码改成Save4trip@thailand

想想我三个月后去了哪儿？泰国。

还有些结余。

看到这些积极的肯定和提醒是如何帮助我物质化每个月的目标，帮助我保持能动性和积极性了吗？我们得承认：找出下一个目标不是容易的事。有时候发现我们需要改变什么，或者我们往哪个方向继续不是件容易的事。

密码用最简单的形式让你在数字世界达到一个目的地。比如拷贝一个文件、解锁电脑、发个邮件。这种微成就，这种“神秘咒语帮助我搞定事情”的想法能够帮助建立起不断激励你保持专注于每月目标的动力。这种不起眼的习惯改变了我。

就这样，我发现如果我用正确的方式，真的能够改变自己的人生。我正是这样月复一月，取得了了不起的结果。

下面摘取一些我在过去两年用过的密码，让大家了解下我的人生都发生了哪些改变，多亏了这个方法：

    Forgive@her 致我的前妻，让我开始了这段旅程。
    Quit@smoking4ever 奏效。
    Save4trip@thailand 奏效。
    Eat2times@day 呃，没用，还是很胖。
    Sleep@before12 奏效。
    Ask@her4date 奏效。我又恋爱了。
    No@drinking2months 奏效。感觉棒极了！
    MovE@togeth3r 奏效。
    Get@c4t! 奏效。我们养了只超级可爱的喵星人。
    Facetime2mom@sunday 奏效。我每周都和妈妈通电话。

上个月我用得这个：

    Save4@ring 嗯哼。人生又要进入新的篇章了。很快。

现在我每个月都有些小期待，每个月都能更改一次密码，进入下一个专注阶段，来激励我搞定下一件事。

在过去的两年间，这个方法对我一直奏效。我和几位亲密的朋友和亲戚分享了它。我想这种小习惯可能不是什么重大突破，但它确实对我的人生产生积极的影响。因此，我在这里向大家分享这个方法。

不妨试一下。带着正确的心态和态度，写下写这些声明，你会改变你的生活。

当然，处于安全的考虑，试着一些复杂的描述。使用一些符号或者数字，让密码长一些，在密码的最开始或结尾用一些特殊的手段处理。S4f3ty_f1rst!（安全第一！）

记得把这个方法告诉其他你觉得可能需要的朋友们。

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2014年6月21日更新：她说“我愿意”。