如果你有梦想，就一定要捍卫它。

老爸同事的女儿，比我大三届，我刚进那个高中的时候她已经出国两年了，正好我们的老师是一样的。高二的时候我们老师给我们读了一封信，是她从英国寄回来的。她说现在过得很好，谢谢老师当年的教导，然后张新宇（高中的班主任）慢慢地念出信的最后几个字——来自剑桥。当时一下子就懵了，对那种学校也只有敢想的份了，后来我才知道原来这是我老爸同事的女儿。老爸总是感慨地对我说，一个女生，能那么优秀真的很不容易。后来有幸跟她见面，她说的一句话我至今记忆犹新，她说，因为想要过自己的人生吧，很多事情就像是旅行一样，当你决定要出发的时候，最困难的那部分其实就已经完成了。

突然就想到了自己，第一次出国的时候，离自己的17岁生日还差3个月。奇怪的是在机场的时候，我并没有想象中的那么不安，我只是反复告诉自己，这条路是你自己选的，不管怎么样，也要走下去。可是留学生活并没有想象中的那么顺利，恋爱也是无疾而终毕竟隔着那么远的距离，一时兴起去打工却因为太累最后还是辞职了。

后来有一天在fb上看到Leo，一个澳洲本地小伙，成绩好到令人发指，最可贵的是他的性格还很好，做事能力好到让人嫉妒。我就开始跟Leo聊起最近的生活，到后来就变成了我的诉苦。等我说完了很多，过了很久，我才看到他打过来的字，他说，我到现在都用不起iphone这种在你们那里随手可见的东西，我现在的学费都是自己赚的，虽然你离家很远但是你父母一直在后面资助你，你每天就做这么一点事情，你凭什么说自己撑不下去了，你有资格么，那些比你累的人都没有说什么，那些比你优秀的人比你努力的多，你有什么资格在这里唉声叹气？！

然后他对我说了一句我到现在还一直记着的话：要么滚回家里去，要么就拼。（go home or stand up, it‘s your  fucking choice. Do you still remember the reason why you are here?!）

我突然间就醒了，我一直只看到那些闪闪发光的人身上的闪光点，却不知道他们到底是用了一个什么样的代价，才换取了这样的一个人生。我又有什么资格在这里抱怨。我为什么要出国，在那个时候义无反顾的自己，怎么现在反而后悔了呢。什么时候起，那个有着梦想的自己就死了？

我一直觉得自己的青春很苦逼，老是在想这么下去会不会有未来。自始至终也没能对这个不属于我的城市产生过一丝归属感，很多想法都只是一闪而过。为什么明明知道时间那么少，青春那么短，想的最多的，不是怎么样去接近梦想，而是反复的不安疑惑？

终于觉得，我的苦逼，熬夜，都会在最终让我迎来属于我的结局。从我离开家的那一刻起就注定了我无法回头的青春。记得上次一夜没睡跟朋友去山上看日出，偶然听他们说起自己之前的生活，才明白不管是表面多么快乐优秀的一个人，不管是外表多么光鲜漂亮的一个人，都有各自的心结和苦逼的过去。就像是青春注定要漂泊和颠沛流离一般，那些流过的泪受过的苦，总有过去的一天，又有谁的青春不曾苦逼过？

一个人二十岁出头的时候，除了仅剩不多的青春以外什么都没有，但是你手头为数不多的青春却能决定你变成一个什么样的人。虽然每一步都走的很慢，但是我不曾退缩过。 

If you have dreams, then hold it on.

A girl of my father‘s friend,  3 years older than me. When I was entered into high school, she have been abroad for 2 years. We are the same teacher. My teacher read a letter in class, which sent by England. In Letter, she said she was very well, thanks for teacher‘s guidence——from Cambridge. I was quite shock by the address. And after then I know that she is a daughter of my father‘s colleague. My father usually said that a girl was not so easy for being such excellent. Luckly, I met her once and her words which I still remembered now. She said, because she wanted it. Actually, it just like travel, when you are ready to get off, you have completed the most difficult parts.

I suddenly think of myself. When I been to abroad at first time, it was lest 3 month for my 17 years old birthday. It was so strange that I was not so afriad, I just told myself, that‘s the way you chose. Go ahead no matter what will it be. However, life was not so easy for studying in abroad. I ended up with my love for distance, I quit my part time job for tired.

After then, I met Leo in FB in one day, a Australia native boy, smart, gentle and capable. I strated to chat with Leo for my recent life and then became my complaint for my life. After I stoped for long time, I saw the words he sent. He said, now I still couldn‘t offer iphone that you could see eveywhere, all of the fees I earned by myself. Although you were far from your home, but your family always support you. You just did some trival things everyday, why you said you couldn‘t overtake it. Those people who tough than you and those great people who word hard than you, how dare you complaint here?

And then he said some words that I still remember now: Go home or stand up, it‘s your fucking choice. Do you still remember the reason why you are here?

I strucked by it suddenly, I used to see the shining point of those distinguished people, but I even don‘t know what they sacrificed actually for such life. Why I stay here to complaint. Why I chose to study in abroad and now I regret. From what time, that one who had dreams was died.

I always believe my youth was hard, and I keep thinking for what it will be in future. I thoughoutly had not any a sense of belonging for this city. Many thoughts just come to mind and disappear fastly. Why I know that time and my youth are short, but I think most is not how to make my dreams come true but comfused repeatly.

Finally, I got my ending after my tough time and stay-up late. From that moment I left home, it was domed of my passed youth. Remembered that I climed the mountain for sunrise with my friends overnight, occasionally I heard that they talked about their life before. I knew that no matter how excellent he or she is, everyone has their own difficulties and depressed pass. It was just as youth was doomed to be drift and wander, those tears and sufferings would pass someday, and anyone who had not done it before.

One was twenty something, you have not anything but your rest of youth. Howvever, it could be decised that what would you be in future. 

Although it was very hard for every path, I never retreat.