Let there be light! Let there be Heaven and Earth! Let there be mortal souls created in Mine own image, gifted with reason and free will… in a bit.
First, let there be a bunch of giant fucking monsters everywhere!
In My infinite wisdom, I know that populating Earth with millions of Godzillas will be awesome. Humongous monsters with silly little arms! Tiny monsters that hunt in packs! Monsters covered in bulletproof plates with spikes for tails and ocean monsters and flying monsters that terrorize the skies and HOLY SHIT THIS WILL BE VERY FUCKING COOL.
Using the divine power of My words, I shall bring into Creation gigantic reptiles with no brains. They won’t be able to think at all! Just fight all the time!
“Oh, no look out! There’s a T. Rex!” one dinosaur will go.
“Fuck that. I look like a dragon and spit poison out of my mouth!” says another.
I AM TALKING A HUNDRED MILLION YEARS OF WATCHING DINOSAUR FIGHTS FROM HEAVEN!
I shall be an active God. Sometimes I’ll pick up two of the dinosaurs, one in each hand, and just smash them into each other, like, “Smash! Smash! Oh, what dinosaur’s going to win?” Then I’ll drop one and grab a pterodactyl out of the sky, and he’ll dive-bomb the one in my other hand and be all like, “Zooooom! Ssssshblamm!”
And should My righteous interest in watching beast battles 24/7 wane (not likely), I’ll just flick an asteroid at Earth, blot out the sun with dust, wait 65 million years, then breath life into a bunch of Adams and Eves. Ugh, I’m already dreading it. These humans are going to be wanting stuff from Me all the time and never biting each other’s necks off with razor-sharp demon teeth for My amusement.
On the flip side, I’m sure the humans will really enjoy looking at the dinosaurs’ bones in museums.
Universe, let there be monsters! And, lo, they are good!
…
I have got to stop talking to Myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only absolute, indivisible, and incomparable theistic being in the whole universe. Maybe it’s time I create Myself a…Mrs. God?
No time! Gotta finish My perfect universe by creating eight other empty, worthless planets with nothing on them at all. Now back to My castle on the moon to watch fifty raptors team up to kill a stegosaurus!
上帝，也就是我，创造世界时说“要有光！要有天空和陆地！要照着我的形象，按着我的样式去造人，这些人天生就有秉持理性和自由意志……好吧，也许只有那么一丢丢。”
不过首先，让特娘的大怪物遍布这个世界吧！
凭我无穷的智慧，我就知道几百万头哥斯拉活在这个世上，这主意绝对屌爆了。
那些身形硕大无比的怪物，带着短短小小的傻逼胳膊。小怪兽则要成群捕猎觅食！
还要有覆盖全身子弹也打不穿的皮肤，尾巴上要给我长个钉耙的怪物，还要有海怪，还要有统治天空的吓死人的会飞的怪物。
所以这他妈的一切真的是酷呆了好么！
我的金口一开，神威具现，让大怪物一定不能长脑子，不能让他们有一点思考能力，只要时时刻刻给我打架就可以。
“小心点，那是只霸王龙。”一只恐龙对另一只恐龙说。
“去他妈的，我长得和巨龙一样屌，嘴里还能喷毒液，我会怕他？”另一只恐龙不屑。
我老人家可是在天堂花了好几亿年时间看恐龙打架！
作为神，应该更主动一些。所以有时候我会抓起两只恐龙，一只手里抓一只，碰！碰！我把两只恐龙互相碰撞，看看谁能干过谁，然后我丢下输掉的那只，再从天空抓来一只翼手龙，让它空袭另一只手里的恐龙。
你觉得我就这样一周7天一天24小时地看着禽兽们干架？出于一个神的正义感，我当然不会只看不动手，我要让小行星撞击地球！让烟尘将太阳光全部遮住，然后等个6500万年，吹一口气，给亚当和夏娃带来生命。
呃……现在我好害怕这些生物。人类开始从我这里索取所有的神力，光是这样也就罢了，可你看看他们他们，从来不用他们尖刀一样的的牙齿咬掉谁的脑袋，哪怕是逗我开心呢？
我很纳闷为什么人类那么痴迷于把恐龙的骨头摆在屋子里欣赏。
关于我自己已经说得够多了，也该说说别的。有时候我觉得我是整个宇宙中唯一一个绝对的、不可分割、不可比拟的存在，也许，是时候我给自己创造一个女神？
我才没空呢！我还要花时间创造八个空荡荡，屁用没有的行星。好了，不说了我要回到我的月球城堡，去看我的50头迅猛龙怎么杀死一头剑龙了。
